Riho Bashing for Fun and Profit
by Kurokawa
Summary: At night when I am really bored, I make the cast of Nightwalker bash Riho in all imagineable ways! Have fun! Last chapter up
1. This is the only chapter you deserve

Title: Riho Bashing for Fun and Profit  
  
Author: Kurokawa/Shinichiro/Niki-sama/Oreo-sama/Billie Damnit  
  
Warnings: Utterly dumb-ness  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own nightwalker or any charas frum it! Wanna know y? I think you know! *glares*  
  
Cahpter 1: This is the only chapter you deserve, mortal!  
  
Guni flutters around dumbly. She's like a lost puppy without Shido's shoulder or hair.   
  
"That dumb detective! He thinks he's so cool now that he has a past that involves plot development!" Guini moaned. Suddnely, she saw Riho come into the room.  
  
"Mr. Shido?" She called, "where'd he go?"  
  
'Hair! Precious long hair!' Guni thought. She flew up to Riho.  
  
"Hey, Riho, I need ta ask you a favor, ok? Shido's out doing things so can I just hang out wiht you for a while? I hate being cooped up in here when Shido is doing stuff too importent for me to be with him!" Guni yelled all at once. Riho looked at her a bit dazed.   
  
"Err...does that mean that you're gonna be my sidekick for today?" Riho smiled. Guni shrugged.  
  
"Sure, you can be the big cool demon toting person all day today." Guni said, amused, "Let's go outside and kick some evil butt already!"  
  
Riho cheered too as she ran outside, too excited to worry about what Shido was doing. Guni peeped out from Riho's hair as she looked out toward the world. Guni suddenly thought....Shido wouldn't mind if she beat Riho up a bit, would he? It's just a little fun.  
  
"Hey Riho! Quick, look! Oh my god, there's a murder happening down there!" Guni quickly lied. Riho gasped and looked around.  
  
"Where? I can't see it!" Riho said, looking everywhere. Guni smiled devilishly.  
  
"I can see through buildings! It's the one over there! Got to the roof! Hurry!" Too excited to care what guni was up to, Riho got to the top of the building she was on. It was about 12 stories. Guni yanked on Riho's ear.  
  
"Now, jump to the other roof! Quickly!"  
  
"I can't jump that far!" Riho said, a bit scared. She might be immortal but things still hurt.  
  
"Come on, Riho, I believe in ya! Quickly, that man must be saved!" Guni cheered. Riho put on a determined face and ran towards the edge. Spreading out her arms, she leaped forward, missing it by a long way, plummeting to the ground oh so far below. Guni flew down, chuckling.   
  
As Guni reached the beaten up body of Riho, she shook her as much as she could.  
  
"Come on, hurry, let's try again!" Guni yelled fast. Riho shook her head.  
  
"Guni, what are you kidding, I just jumped off a building!" Riho whined, observing her scratches.  
  
"You pathetic wimp!" Guni yelled at her, pointing, "Shido wouldn't give up! Shido would do anythign to save somebody! As I recall he saved you once too and all you do in return is give up because you fell?" Riho sniffed and shook her head, getting up.  
  
"You're right! I'll get it right this time...for Shido!"  
  
"That's the spirit!"  
  
After about 10 times of trying to jump the same building., Riho looked like a zombie in those cheap horror flicks.   
  
"Come on Riho, 1 more time, I know you can do it!" Guni yelled.  
  
"Guni...I think...that person....is long dead...by now..." Riho moaned, trying to get up again.  
  
"Fine, abandoner. Be that way. I understand," Guni paused, trying to think up something fun to do. Falling off building was getting boring anyway.  
  
"Hey Riho, we can just stroll around now, right?" Guni asked.  
  
"Oh...ya...I guess." Riho said, trying to push some of her bones back in place. She got up and started walking. Guni's eyes darted to everything.  
  
"Hey Riho!" Guni chirpped, getting an idea as she saw an empty outside stage, "I bet shido would really love you if you raised money for his work! Not to mention it'll be all too easy!"   
  
"Really? What do you plan for us to do?" Riho said, happily. Guni pointed to the stage.  
  
"All you hafta do is say you're a ventriloquist and I'll do the talkin'! How does it sound?" Guni said, with more than that stored away in secret. Riho's smile grew.  
  
"Wow, Guni! That's a wonderful idea!"  
  
Before either of them knew it, they were up on a stage with a very decnt crowd gathered around and Shido's big hate at front for any donations.   
  
"Hello everyone..."Riho said timidly, "I'm Riho, and this is my puppet, Guni!" She brought out guni from her hair and everyone smiled as they saw the cute little figure. Guni had to think fast.  
  
"Hey, don't call me a puppet!" Guni said, without moving. The crowd suddenly cheered...it looked as if it were well done.  
  
"Well, Guni, what do you have to say?" Riho asked.  
  
"Glad you asked, "Guni smirked, "Your stupid, annoying, dumb, an idiot, dorky, ugly, whiny, stuck-up, unloved, and...your hair smells bad." Riho gasped, but the crowd cheered again, laughing.   
  
"Oh Guni, that's horrible, I didn't know you thought that way!" Riho said, on the brink of tears.  
  
"I thought you knew, Shido completely hates you afterall!" Guni said again. The crowd laughed again and stood up to clap. Riho couldn't take it as she broke out in tears and ran off stage.The people clapped even more when Guni talked while on the ground.  
  
"Thank you so much for coming, donations are appriciated." Almost everyone there donated, for they were amused by the whole scene, as short as it was. After they were gone, Guni grabbed the hat and flew to Riho.  
  
"Look Riho, look at all the money we made!" Guni smiled, as she gazed upon a tearful Riho.  
  
"You...you hate me!" Riho cried.  
  
"Naw," Guni lied, "the people just liek when the puppets are mean to the puppetmaster, can't ya tell?" Suddenly Riho smiled.  
  
"Oh, I guess you're right! Then I have you to thank for raising the money. You're a good person...err...faerie....thing...." Riho trailed off.  
  
"Enough with the emotions. They disgust me." Guni sighed, "Let's go back."   
  
As Riho walked down the colder and darker streets to Shido's office, a guy on the street asked Riho for money.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir. I did a lot to earn this money." Riho said. Angered, the homeless man threw an isult at her.  
  
"Go jump off a building!" He yelled. Riho sighed deeply.  
  
"Again???"  
  
The End. Bashing is fun. 


	2. This is the only chapter you deserve 2

AN: One thing I can do without thought. I'm going to get flamed for this one day...  
  
Riho Bashing for Fun and Profit   
  
CHAPTER2: THIS IS THE ONLY CHAPTER YOU DESERVE MORTALS part 2 ^_^  
  
Riho sat alone in Shido's office waiting for something to do. Shido hadn't returned in a while, Riho was frightened and hoped every second for his return. Suddenly she heard a knock upon the door.  
  
"Shido?" She said happily as she dashed for the door. She opened it quickly and her smile weakened.  
  
"Oh..." she said, "Hello, Yayoi." Riho sighed and slumped back down on the couch.  
  
"What's the matter, Riho? You sure are grouchy today." Yayoi said in an annoyed tone, placing her arms akimbo like she was scolding her daughter.  
  
"Nothin', I'm just so bored of waiting for Mr. Shido." She said quietly. Yayoi's mad expression faded into a bored one as well when she went up to Shido's desk and sorted though a bit of papers.  
  
"I'll tell you the truth, I don't know where he is. Probably after that mysterious man that showed up a while ago. What was his name?" Suddenly Cain popped out of nowhere!!!  
  
"I AM CAIN! FEAR ME AND MY GAY LOVE MAKING!" Then he vanished. Astonished, Riho and Yayoi fled from the office together. Catching their breath from the running, they found out they were on the top of the building.  
  
"Oh no, how are we going to get out of the building?!" Yayoi said, fearing the man as he had told them to. Riho looked around and glared at the other building lose by. She could do it...she had to. To save Yayoi and herself from the rabid gay man!  
  
"Jump on my back! I'm gonna jump onto the next building!" Riho said bravely. Too much fear in her heart to think she couldn't, Yayoi jumped onto Riho's back and Riho ran towards the ledge.  
  
"I'm going to die, aren't I?" Yayoi said. Riho nodded.  
  
"Yes, I think so." Riho said, remembering how she couldn't possibly jump it. Before she knew it, she was speeding for the all too familiar ground.  
  
After Riho came back to conscious, she saw Yayoi was alive.  
  
"I'm so glad blah blah blah." She said happily. After they had got themselves together they started walking along the sidewalk, still bored. Suddenly, a thought sparked in Yayoi's mind.  
  
"Hey, you feel like getting money to fund for Shido's work while we still have nothing to do?" Yayoi suggested.  
  
"Wow! That sounds like a great idea!" Riho said dumbly, "but what can we do?" Yayoi stopped to ponder as she suddenly saw a poster saying '$500 prize to whoever can defeat the wrestling champion'.  
  
"Riho, I have a great plan!"   
  
They found themselves in an arena with a huge muscular and ugly and gross and sweaty and (etc with all the worlds to describe wrestlers) man in a ring waiting for a challenge.  
  
"WHO CAN TAKE ME ON!?" He yelled. Yayoi sweatdropped.  
  
"Riho I could never take this guy. But you are a vampire.. You can't loose!" She said, coaxing her forward.  
  
"I'm scared Yayoi. I don't wanna get hurt again..."  
  
"Oh don't be a wimp. Shido would fight for such a noble cause. I mean look at this guy. He fights for a living. teach him a lesson he'll never forget!" Yaoi encouraged over and over. Riho almost broke out in tears by how moved she was.  
  
"Y-you're right Yayoi, what was I thinking? I must teach him...for Shido!" Riho said, clenching her fist.  
  
"That's the spirit! go ahead!" Yaoi pushed her up to the ring.  
  
"We have a challenger! Scrawny, ugly, and poorly dressed little girl named..." He paused to hear her name, "Yamazaki Riho."  
  
"Oh...it hurts already..." Riho whimpered.  
  
"You can do it!" Yayoi cheered from the sidelines.  
  
With the ring of the bell, the fight began. The large man came over and broke Riho's spine like it was nothing. In pain, she got up again. He broke her arm. IN pain, she got up again. he broke her legs.  
  
"It...hurts...so...darned...much..." Riho cried.  
  
"Don't give up!" Yayoi said, eating popcorn with a stranger. Riho got up again, blood gushing from everywhere.  
  
"Well she's up again folks. By all means she should be dead so let deem her legally dead and completely ignore her." The announcer announced. The crowd agreed and left. Even Yayoi because she forgot Riho was alive. Cold and deemed dead on the bloody ring, Riho lay there in silence.  
  
"Darn..." She whispered and then fell asleep. Only to figure out that the next morning the building was to be bulldozed down with her in it. That's too bad.  
  
The End. 


	3. wuteva

AN: I can't believe I'm doing this again  
  
Riho Bashing for Fun and Profit  
  
CHAPTER 3: w/e  
  
Riho and Yayoi sat alone in Shido's office, bored to death.  
  
"Yayoi, what did Shido say we were supposed to do if he didn't come back?" Riho asked, yawning afterwards. Yayoi sighed, looking out the window then back towards Riho (don't ask me how she's there)  
  
"He said, 'if i dun make it bac then forgit mee, please go on wif ouat mi.' I think." Yaoi said with a bad impression of Shido's voice. Riho got up, getting Yayoi's attention.  
  
"We....must find Mr. Shido!!" Riho said, clenching her fists. Yayoi sighed again, this wasn't an attempt, it was pathetic.  
  
"Sure, whatever. Beats sitting here alone all day."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I mean with you."  
  
After a while of walking down the sidewalks until they stopped, Riho and Yayoi found themselves facing a threatening looking haunted house.  
  
"Hey! Maybe that man loving man is in there!" Yayoi said, amused by the possibilities of pranking Riho in there. Riho swallowed hard and nodded.  
  
"Maybe we should...check it out..." she mumbled unwillingly.   
  
"Yaaaaa....." Yayoi said loudly, "what if Shido is suffering in there all alone and is wishing all along that you'd come and rescue him like he did for you...!!"  
  
Suddenly tears swelled in Riho's eyes.  
  
"You....you're right....I must save him as he did me that faithful day!" She cried on Yayoi's shoulder.  
  
"Err...yes. you. Must. Go.......now." Yayoi said angrily, pushing Riho a step closer to the house. Suddenly Guni appeared behind Yayoi.  
  
"What'd I miss?" She asked, seeing Riho shiver in front of them.  
  
"I'm making her go in there to save Tatsuhiko." Yayoi said as if she just sent her husband to take out the trash or something.  
  
"Ahhh, I see what you're doin'!" Guni said with glee as she flew ahead into the house.  
  
"Geez, this place sure is musty!" Guni whined as she inspected the place for easy ways to set a trap or make a sound. She flew through a hole in the wall and scanned a formal looking room covered in dust. One of the cabinets shook. Guni jumped a bit, then went over and opened it. Inside was Shido, bound and gagged.  
  
"Aw geez Shido. You're ruining all the fun! If you're really in here then what's the catch. you're no fun at all!!" Guni moaned. Shido's face went into a confused and tired placement then Guni sighed. She took a huge grab of his hair and dragged him out of the cabinet, across the room, and pushed him out the 2nd story window.  
  
"He'll live." She says to herself as she claps her hands together. She went back into snooping the house.  
  
As Guni was in one of the last rooms, she heard the door creak open. Riho was actually inside. Guni flew up into the breaking ceiling and started moaning loudly.  
  
"Get ouuuuuuuuuuut....get OUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!" She moaned. Riho shrieked loudly and dashed outside into Yayoi's arms.  
  
"Someone's doing the dirty in there!" Riho cried. Yayoi sighed deeply.  
  
"It's might be that gay man raping Shido! Are you gonna let that happen?!" Yayoi said. Riho wiped away her tears and stood with her arms akimbo.  
  
"No! No I am not!" She said as she stormed back in. Yayoi shook her head in shame.  
  
Guni saw Riho reenter and started jumping up and down on the ceiling beams. One of them cracked. After achieving that, she pounding her fists on another to make some sort of sound that she didn't know what Riho could compare it to in real life. Riho screamed and ducked down putting her hands over her head for a second. After a moment, she looked up again and then stood upright. It was at that time Guni pushed the furniture she set at the top of the stairs down onto Riho. BAM! Riho was laid upon her back, many things obviously broken. Snapping everything back into place, she began to climb the stairs. Guni grabbed several things to pelt her with as she came up and when she finally was there was when the ceiling decided to collapse in that part.  
  
Mangled with pieces of wood stuck in her everywhere, Riho got up from the rubble.   
  
"Must...save...Mr....Shido....." She said as she climbed over the rumble.  
  
"Daaaayum." Guni said, waving for Yayoi to come help her.  
  
After a few seconds of the building 'accidentally' falling on Riho, there seemed to be no building left.   
  
"OH SHIDO!!!" Riho cried, obviously convinced Shido was inside, " I have failed you!"  
  
Yayoi crawled up beside Riho, handling her a pointy rock.  
  
"Here, Riho! Stab yourself with this until you feel better." She said. And she did.   
  
And to this day, the pointy rock hasn't helped much in making her feel better.....but it sure helps us!  
  
Side note: hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe (ok I'm done) I think this is it. I did this thing because when I wanted to write but didn't have any good inspiration this was the thing ta do. Absolutely NOOOOOOO thought involved in this story. That's why I'd understand flame.....but I haven't gotten any yet...I LOVE YOU ALL! ^_^ 


	4. witty Title!

AN: What can I say?  
  
Chapter 4: Witty title  
  
Riho sits in Shido's office stabbing herself with a pointy rock over and over, taking Yayoi's words to heart...literally. She stabs and stabs but nothing happens. She sighs and momentarily puts the rock down.  
  
"Oh Shido, where are you now? Heaven?" Riho began to cry. Just then there was a knock at the door. Riho jumped up to open it. Just when she was at the door she heard 'oh no' and 'stuff him in the closet'. She opened the door and saw Yayoi with Guni in her hair.  
  
"Oh, hello." She said. She looked at Yayoi, "Hey, you have bloody knuckles, are you..."  
  
"Everything is ok." Yayoi said calmly. Riho nodded and invited them in.  
  
'I haven't been able to cope with Shido's death yet." Riho said, motioning to the bloody rock. Yayoi and Guni nodded as they closed the door tightly. Riho didn't notice and she sighed.   
  
Suddenly Cain appeared again. Riho and Yayoi screamed.  
  
"COME WITH ME LITTLE GIRL TO THE WORLD OF VAMPIRES!" Cain yelled manically even though he really doesn't yell but this is my story so lay off.  
  
"Why don't you stop appearing out of nowhere?!" Yayoi said. Then she had an idea. She got up next to Cain and whispered something in his ear.  
  
"AH YES. PRINCESS RIHO! COME WITH ME!" Cain said, outstretching his arm towards Riho.  
  
"Princess?! Err...i don't know...!" Riho stuttered.  
  
"Oh come on! You have nothing here, Riho! Nothing!" Guni yelled.  
  
"I HAVE CANDY."   
  
"All right then!" Riho smiled. She took Cain's hand and they were gone in a poof.  
  
"Aww, what I'd pay to see what he does to her." Guni sighed. Suddenly a sign pointing down said '$1.00 admission to stone vampire girl'.  
  
"I'm in!" Guni and Yayoi said at once.  
  
When Guni and Yayoi got to hell, they saw Riho tied up to a spinning spiked wheel with a few throwing knives in her stomach already surrounded by a mob of angry villagers with pitchforks and torches.   
  
"Stone the vampire!" One of them yelled.  
  
"COME, COME! ONLY $1 FOR 5 GOOD STONES! HIT IT AND WIN A PRIZE!" Cain called out in a top hat and other carnie clothes, pointing at Riho with a stick. Yayoi was the first in line.  
  
"What about the caaaandy?" Riho whined.  
  
"Eat rock candy, vampire!" Yayoi said as she hit all 5 stones right at Riho's stomach.  
  
"Yayoi?! Whyyyy??" Riho cried.  
  
"Uh..err...it's for the money, dear." Yayoi said as a huge line of villagers lined up to pelt Riho.  
  
"I'm tired." Yayoi said. Guni nodded.  
  
"I'm gonna watch a bit more. You go ahead." Guni said. Yayoi waved good-bye as she left Guni to watch the stoning.   
  
After a long day of rock throwing, everyone had left, content with his or her selves. Guni and Cain untied her and let her cough up some rocks that penetrated the skin. Somehow no one missed today. Some even paid $5.   
  
"Arg...I don't want anymore candy." Riho coughed.  
  
"Oh come on, Riho. Shido would have loved to see this." Guni said proudly.  
  
"I wanna go home." She said.  
  
"TOO BAD, YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT TO STAY IN HELL FOREVER." Cain said quietly, holing up a piece of paper.  
  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you I couldn't read..." Riho said.  
  
"Err.... have a good time down here with Cain, Riho!" Guni said, flying off.  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~~~~~~~~~~~!"  
  
AN: I think I'll do one more after this cuz i have an idea. Then it's done and over, ok? I know how much we all need to see Riho beat up but I only have so many ideas. 


	5. One more time!

Chapter 5: One more time!  
  
Riho sat, lonely in hell. Suddenly Shido popped out of nowhere!  
  
"Shido!!! I-I found you at last!" Riho said, "thatguyainissuchameaniehesaidhe'dgivemecandybutinsteadhepaidpeopleandtheyhitmewithrocksactuallytheytastedbetterthanwhatpeopleusuallyfeedmelikepoisonbutitstillwasn'tveryfun Shido are you listening?!"  
  
"Huh? Ya." Shido said, trying to shut her up with his mind.   
  
"I'm sooo glad you're here now, Shido! Walk with me!" Riho said grabbing his arm.  
  
"Ya. Okay." Shido said, trying to split open her head with his mind.  
  
As Riho and Shido walked peacefully in the bowels of hell, Riho kept talking and talking about how much fun she had with her friends lately all with the jumping off buildings and going into mansions all to find him. Shido looked around impatiently.  
  
"Oops." He said, pushing Riho into a fiery pit. Squeaking the way down, then exploding in the fiery-goodness. As he kept walking, looking around everywhere, Riho caught up to him again, some of her skin burned off.  
  
"Oh don't worry, Shido I'm fine! Please don't feel guilty, I'm really okay!" Riho said with a big dorky smile.  
  
"oops again." Shido said, pushing Riho over again. He scratched his head looking around hell for only minutes before Riho jogged up again.  
  
"I understand Shido, it's o-"  
  
"Excuse me." he said, pushing her in the lava again. He looked everywhere, but seemed to not know where he was.  
  
"Hey Shido!" Came the beaten up and lava crusted Riho on the brink of tears, "I'm over here! You don't need to look anymore!"  
  
Riho caught Shido's eyes for a moments and they looked at each other, Riho's eyes sparkling, she was sure he would kiss him. She closed her eyes and leaned forward. Shido grasped Riho's shoulders.  
  
"Hey you, little girl! Do you know where this guy named Cain is?" Shido said. Riho gasped, heartbroken.  
  
"S-Shido? You...you don't love me? You'd rather...be with that man?" Riho cried.  
  
"Ya.....did you not catch that the first time?" Shido said, seeming confused. Riho paused. After getting no response from her, Shido moved her over into the lava and kept looking.  
  
"AH SHIDO! THERE YOU ARE!" A voice bellowed.  
  
"Oh, yo Cain." Shido smiled.  
  
"LET US MAKE PASSIONATE GAY LOVE!" Cain said, grabbing Shido into his arms.  
  
"Let's!" Shido answered and with that they flew awaaaay...  
  
Bubbling in the hot lava, Riho waved them good-bye.  
  
"I don't think people like me too much." Riho wimpered.  
  
THE END!  
  
AN: hear that? This is a short epilogue! All you Riho haters will have to make your own Riho bashing fics now. My job is done. *bows* 


End file.
